Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a long-time ,intimate and mutually ful-filling relationship with a guy. Of course, the guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely dif-ficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the word relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger asks a woman named Elaine out to a movie. She accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and soon neither is seeing anybody else.
Then one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine. She says:"Do you realize that we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
Silence fills the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself:"Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he feels confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation."
And Roger is thinking:"Gosh, Six months."
And Elaine is thinking:"But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?"
And Roger is thinking:"So that means it was 's uary when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which me check the ! I am way overdue for an oil change here."
And Elaine is thinking:"He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship--more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he senses m reservations. Yes, that's it. He's afraid of being rejected."
And Roger is thinking:"I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say--it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on cold weather this time. It's 30 degrees Celsius out, and this thingis shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent, thieving cretins six hundred dollars!"
And Elaine is thinking:"He's angry, and I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I feel sl guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure."
And Roger is thinking:"They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's what they're gonna say!"
And Elaine is thinking:"Maybe I'm too idealistic, waiting for a knigt to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting mext to a perfectly good person who's in pain because of my self-centered, school-girl fantasy."
And Roger is thinking:"Warranty? I'll give them a warranty!"
“Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine says, sobbong. "I mean, I know there's no knight and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?"says Roger.
"you think I'm fool,don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" Roger says, glad to know the correct answer.
"It's just that...I need some tine," Elaine says.
There is a 15-second pause while Roger tries to come up with a safe response. "yes," he finally says.
Elaine,deeply moved,touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feal that way?"
"What way?" says Roger.
"Thaat way about time," Elaine says.
"Oh," says Roger."Yes."
Elaine gazes deeply into his eyse, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she says, "Thank you, Roger."
"Thank you," he responds.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted soul weeping until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, He opens a bag of chips, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czech players he never heaed of. A tiny voice in his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he figures it's better not to think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closes friend, and they will talk for six straight hours. In painstaking detail they will analyze everything she said and everything he said. They will continue to discuss this subject for weeks, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Roger, playing racpuetball one day with a friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving and ask,"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're takling about different planets in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot communicate meaningfully with Roger because the sum total of his thinking about relationships is Huh?"
He has a guy brain, basically an analytical, problem-solving organ. It's not comfortable with nebulous concepts such as love, need and trust. If the guy brain has to form an opinion about another person, it prefers to base it on facts, such as his or her earned-run average at baseball.
Women have trouble accepting this, They are convinced that guys must spend a certain amount of tine thinking about the relationship. How could a guy see another human being day after day, night afternight, and not be thinking about the relationship? This is what women figure.
They are wrong. A guy in a relationship is like an ant standing on top of a truck tire. The ant is aware that something large is there, but he cannot even dimly comprehend what it is. And if the truck starts moving and the tire starts to roll, the ant will sense that something important is happening, but right up until he rolls around to the bottom and is squashed, the only thought in his tiny brain will be Huh?
Thus the No.1 tip for women to remember is never assume the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. You have to plant the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle referencesto it, such as:
·"Roger, would you mind passing me the suger, inasmuch as we have a relationship?"
·"Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship! You and I do, I mean."
·"Good news, Roger! The doctor says we're going to have our fourth child--another indication that we have a relationship!"
·"Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we have only a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."
Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Someday he might even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other guys about women, and out of the blue he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have, have, have, have this thing."
And he will sincerely mean it.
女人对男人有哪些不了解
柳青译
与许多女人的信念相反，要和一个男人建立起一种长期的、亲密的、彼此满意的关系并不难。当然那家伙必须是个懂得主人心意的拉布拉多狗。与男人相处，要做到这点是极其困难的。这是因为男人们没有真正理解女人所说的亲密关系这个词的含义。
比如，一个叫罗杰的小伙子邀请一位叫伊莱恩的姑娘一起去看电影。她接受了邀请。他们共民度过了一段快乐时光。几天后的一个晚上，他请她去吃晚饭，他们又玩得很开心。他们继续定期约会，而且很快双方都不再同别的人约会了。
然后有一个晚上，当他们驱车回家时，一个念头出现在伊莱恩的脑海中。她说：“你有没有意识到我们在一起已经整整６个月了？”
车里寂静无声。对伊莱恩来说，这寂静显得显得是那么难受。她自忖：“天哪，我这么说不知会不会让他讨厌。或许他感到被我们之间的关系束缚了手脚。或许他以为我试图施加某种责任给他。”
罗杰在想：“啊，有６个月了。”
伊莱恩想：“不过话又说回来了，我也拿不准自己是否也需要这么一种关系。我们这是在走向婚姻吗？走向有孩子的生活吗？我们要终生厮守在一起吗？我为应该承担的义务做好准备了吗？我是否真正了解这个男人了呢？”
罗杰想的却是：“那么这就意味着……让步想想，我们是二月份开始出去约会的，正是我从汽车商那儿买了车以后的事情。这意味着……让看看里程表……哇！我已经开过了这里换汽油的地方了。”
伊莱恩在想：“他心烦意乱的，我从他脸上能看出来。或许我把这件事完全理解错了。也许他要更进上步的关系——更加亲密，更多承诺。是的， 一定是这样的。他只是担心被拒绝。”
罗杰正在想的是：“我得让他们再检查一下变速器。我才不在乎那些白痴会说些什么…——它换档时就是不对劲儿。这次他们最好别怪罪于天气的寒冷。个面有摄氏３０度，而这车换档时就像一辆运垃圾的卡车，我还为此付了六百块钱给那些无能的、只知把手伸到别人腰包里掏钱的笨蛋。”
伊莱恩仍在想：“他生气了。这不能怪他。换了我也会生气的。我真感到内疚，会让他这样。但我没法不这样想，我只是拿不定主意。”
罗杰想的却是：“他们可能会说这车只有９０天的保用期。他们肯定会这么说。”
伊莱恩想：“或许我太理想化了，竟幻想会有骑着白马的骑士翩然而至，而此时坐在身边的一位蛮不错的人却因为我自私的、女学生气十足的幻想而感到苦恼。”
罗杰想：“什么保用期？我会给他们一个正当理由的。”
“罗杰，”伊莱恩大声说。
“什么”罗杰答道。
“我真是个傻瓜，”伊莱恩边立边抽泣。“我是说，我知道根本没什么骑士，也不会有什么马的。”
“没有马？”罗杰不解地问道。
“你认为我很傻，对吗？”伊莱恩问道。
罗杰答道：“没有！”他很高兴总算知道正确的答案。
伊莱恩说：“这只是因为……我需要一些时间。”
出现了十五秒钟的沉寂，而罗杰正在搜肠刮肚想找出一个妥贴的回答。“是的，”他最终这么答道。
伊莱转被深深地感动了。她抚摸着他的手说，“哦，罗杰，你真那样认为吗？”
“哪样？”
“关于时间的事？”
罗杰说，“是的。”
伊莱恩深情地凝视着他的双眼，而这使他变得十分紧张，不知她接着又要说些什么，尤其是如果她要谈到什么马的话。最后她说：“谢谢你，罗杰。”
他回答道：“该谢谢你才是。”
然后他送她回家。她躺在床上，一个人思来想去，流泪到天明。而罗杰一回到住处就开了包炸薯条，打开电视机，并很快就专注地看起了两个他从未听说过的捷克选手间的一场重播的网球赛来了。他头脑中有个细弱的声音告诉他刚刚在车里发生了什么重要的事情，但他认为最好是不去想它。
第二天，伊莱恩会叫上她最好的朋友边疆谈上六个小时。她们会费尽心思详详细细地分析她说的每一句话与他说的每句话。她们会就这个话题持续讨论几个星期，从来得不出什么具体的结论，可也乐此不疲。
同时，罗杰某天花板在同他与伊莱恩的一个朋友打壁球时，会在发球前停顿一下，问道：“诺姆，伊莱恩有匹马吗？”
在此我们讨论的不是晃同的波长问题。我们讨论的是在完全不同的太阳系里不同的行星问题。伊莱恩之所以无法同罗杰进行富有意义的沟通，是因为轮子对亲密的所有只是一声表示尺异的“啊？”
他有男人的头脑，基本上是个用来分析问题、解决问题的器官。对那些模糊不清的概念，诸如爱、需要与信任，则感受到无所适从。如果这个男人的头脑需要对另一个人形成某种看法，它更喜欢依据事实，比如说他或她打棒球时的手责任得分率。
要女人们接受这一点很难。她们总认为男人们必然会花一定时间来考虑彼此间的关系。一个人怎么可能日复一日、夜复一夜地与另一个人约会而不考虑这层关系呢？这是女人们的想象。
她们错了。处于这层关系中的男人就像一只站在一个卡车轮胎顶部的蚂蚁。这只蚂蚁能感受到某种庞然大物的存在，却根本不明白那是什么东西。而如果卡车开始运行，轮胎开始滚动时，这只蚂蚁能意识到某件大事正在发生，但直至它被转到底下并被辗碎，它那小脑瓜里的唯一想法只是迷惑不解的“咦？”
因此要女人们记住的第一号忠告是千万不要想当然地认为男人懂得你与他有某种亲密关系，你得不断地做些微妙的提示以便这想法根植于他的头脑中。比如：
·“罗杰，既然我们是一家人，可不可以将糖递给我？”
·“醒醒，罗杰。书房里有个小偷，而我俩又是一家人。我是说，我们俩一起行动。”
·“好消息，罗杰。医生说我们将有第四个孩子了——这再一次证明了我们的亲密关系。”
·“罗杰，既然飞机就要坠毁了，我们只有一分钟时间可活，我想让你知道我们共同度过的53年的婚姻生活美满极了，这显然已构成了一种亲密的关系。”
女人们啊，永远不要松劲，要不懈地努力强化这个概念，最终它会开始进入男人的头脑。总有一天他或许会自己开始想这个问题。他会与另一些男人谈到女人，并会出乎意料地说：“伊莱恩和我，我们……嗯，我们有……啊，我们有这么一种关系。”
而他会是发自内心这么认为的。
Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a long-time ,intimate and mutually ful-filling relationship with a guy. Of course, the guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, it's extremely dif-ficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the word relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger asks a woman named Elaine out to a movie. She accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and soon neither is seeing anybody else.
Then one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine. She says:"Do you realize that we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
Silence fills the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself:"Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he feels confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation."
And Roger is thinking:"Gosh, Six months."
And Elaine is thinking:"But hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?"
And Roger is thinking:"So that means it was 's uary when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which me check the ! I am way overdue for an oil change here."
And Elaine is thinking:"He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship--more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he senses m reservations. Yes, that's it. He's afraid of being rejected."
And Roger is thinking:"I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say--it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on cold weather this time. It's 30 degrees Celsius out, and this thingis shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent, thieving cretins six hundred dollars!"
And Elaine is thinking:"He's angry, and I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I feel sl guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure."
And Roger is thinking:"They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's what they're gonna say!"
And Elaine is thinking:"Maybe I'm too idealistic, waiting for a knigt to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting mext to a perfectly good person who's in pain because of my self-centered, school-girl fantasy."
And Roger is thinking:"Warranty? I'll give them a warranty!"
“Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine says, sobbong. "I mean, I know there's no knight and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?"says Roger.
"you think I'm fool,don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" Roger says, glad to know the correct answer.
"It's just that...I need some tine," Elaine says.
There is a 15-second pause while Roger tries to come up with a safe response. "yes," he finally says.